sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
