My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
