how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
