Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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