I am puke
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
