Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
