Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
