I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
