sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
