i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
