Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
