My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
