Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
