dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
