did you get engaged???
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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