and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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