I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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