Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
