Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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