ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
