All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
