I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
