I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
