But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
that's an acceptable place to lick
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
