I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
