dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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