end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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