Your face is a jimmy john
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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