a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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