This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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