You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
