He asked to "fluff my boner.."
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
