Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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