im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
