New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
