The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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