i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
