She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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