and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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