Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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