Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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