I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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