Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
