He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
