Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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