I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
