So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
4 words: hood of his car
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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