GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
