you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
