Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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