There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
