well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
