I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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