Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
