I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
