I think my vagina is haunted
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
