Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
