hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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