I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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