so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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