I just pynch a tree in the face
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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