Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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