i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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