Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
