So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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