we have pet lesbian snakes
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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