Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
