this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
