Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
