Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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