I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
