You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
