so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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