I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Sponge bath it is.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
