I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize