You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
