I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
