rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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