Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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