my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
