Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
