The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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