Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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