I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
