You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
