he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
