he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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