i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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