Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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