BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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