..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Your tits are I can't wait for
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I will pee on everything he values.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
