Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize