as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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