I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
