Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
