This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
