The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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