At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
