My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
