hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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