Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize