Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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