we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My vagina just recognized that song.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
