I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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