He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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