is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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