I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
