Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
